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Key Takeaways
- When leaders let a single style label become their identity, they start writing off bad or unsuccessful behavior with "that's just me," becoming their own limiting factor and the bottleneck to their own success.
- A natural leadership tendency can fuel success in many scenarios, but no single approach works for every problem or every person; some team members do not respond well to dominance and really need a show of support.
- Leaders create false dichotomies all the time ("we can do A, or we can do B"), and the real key to strategic success is embracing the Power of the A-N-D, because there is almost always a third option.
- The older and more confident we become, the harder it is to break from successful patterns, yet the habits that got you here might not get you to a more successful future.
- A weekly reflection habit is a gift from you to you: a chance to rise above the torrent of weekly activity, examine how you are responding to current challenges, and spot where staying rooted in usual habits is preventing you from solving an issue.
If you have experience with me as a CEO, coach, or colleague, you could probably guess my DiSC (Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, Conscientiousness) leadership style: I naturally show up with D tendencies. When Kevin Eikenberry joined me for an episode of The Journey to CEO Success Podcast, he validated what I had learned from DiSC Work of Leaders training: As a leader, I should not say “I am a D”. Sure, D is my natural tendency—but I have learned that different situations need me to show up differently to be the most effective leader that I can be.
Here’s what Kevin says in his book, Flexible Leadership: When we identify too closely with a label, we become inflexible.
That one label starts to become our identity. And from there, it gets worse. We actually start writing off our bad or unsuccessful behavior by saying, “Well, that’s just me.” This is when we become our own limiting factor, the bottleneck to our own success.
What's the Third Option?
People love to organize our world into neat categories. I see this all the time when I coach executive teams through strategic planning sessions: “We can do A, or we can do B.” But the real key to strategic success is embracing the Power of the A-N-D. We are actually creating false dichotomies all the time, and they are hurting us. There is (almost) always a third option!
Context is everything. My strong D leanings have fueled my success in many scenarios, but these approaches do not work for every problem or with every person. Some team members do not respond well to dominance—what they really need is a show of support. So, over the years, I have learned to do what Kevin calls flexing: I adjust my behavior to be suitable to the situation, even if it does not feel instinctual or easy. Leadership expert and author Ken Blanchard refers to this as situational leadership—adapting your leadership style to the person you are leading.
What's So Hard About Flexing?
The older and more confident we become, the more difficult it can be to flex. As CEOs and business leaders, we are confident by nature. We risk becoming too set in a successful pattern to see that greater success requires a break from our usual habits. “Well, my habits got me here!” you say. Sure. But they might not get you there—to a more successful future!
So, how can we make flexing easier? Kevin suggests embracing the speedbumps of life. A speedbump is any opportunity you have to pause and reevaluate the situation, along with your own behavior. Sometimes a speedbump pops up unexpectedly; maybe something goes wrong in your company, or someone brings in a radical idea that makes you uncomfortable. Treasure these moments as opportunities to get out of autopilot and be intentional in your actions. Evaluate the context and respond well by flexing towards the most helpful behaviors.
You can also build your own speedbumps into the road of your life. I encourage leaders to get into a habit of weekly reflections. This is a gift from you to you. It may be your one chance to rise above the torrent of weekly activity and see things for what they are. How are you responding to your current challenges? Is staying rooted to your usual habits preventing you from solving an issue? Are you needlessly dichotomizing the problem or limiting your strategy instead of embracing the Power of the A-N-D?
Flex for Success
DiSC Work of Leaders taught me that while I gravitate towards D tendencies, this style does not define me. In fact, I believe that mature leaders should be able to show up with the right combination of D and i and S and C, given the situation and the need—flexing for success, as Kevin describes it. The world is nuanced, our work is complex, and we must be intentional about how we show up.
It can be uncomfortable—sometimes downright painful—to break out of old habits and try something different. But the more we can adapt our approach to what and who is in front of us, the more successful we will be, and the more joy we will experience.
To learn more about flexing, check out Kevin’s book, Flexible Leadership: Navigate Uncertainty and Lead with Confidence.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why is saying "that's just me" a problem for leaders?
It turns a natural tendency into an identity and an excuse. Leaders start writing off bad or unsuccessful behavior as just who they are, which makes them inflexible and turns them into their own limiting factor, the bottleneck to their own success.
Should leaders define themselves by their DiSC style?
No. A style like D (Dominance) may be your natural tendency, but different situations need you to show up differently to be the most effective leader you can be. Mature leaders should be able to show up with the right combination of D and i and S and C given the situation and the need.
What is the Power of the A-N-D?
It is the antidote to false dichotomies. Teams working through strategic planning often frame choices as "we can do A, or we can do B," but there is almost always a third option. Embracing the Power of the A-N-D instead of needlessly dichotomizing problems is a real key to strategic success.
Why does adapting get harder as leaders become more successful?
The older and more confident we become, the more set we get in successful patterns. Leaders risk being too invested in the habits that got them here to see that greater success requires a break from those habits, because what worked to get you here might not get you to a more successful future.
How do weekly reflections make you a more flexible leader?
A weekly reflection is a built-in pause to rise above the flood of weekly activity and see things for what they are. Ask how you are responding to your current challenges, whether staying rooted in your usual habits is preventing you from solving an issue, and whether you are needlessly dichotomizing a problem instead of looking for the third option.
Patrick Thean
Patrick is an award-winning serial entrepreneur, a WSJ and USA Today bestselling author, CEO Coach, and Co-founder of Rhythm Systems.
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